


Everytime I Fear (You Wouldn't Feel the Same)

by GayForMattBragg



Series: Matt, from finance [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, M/M, Matt being insecure, and Gav being nice, most people are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 02:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14462970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayForMattBragg/pseuds/GayForMattBragg
Summary: And while everyone is doing their bests to make Matt feel at home in their family, something inside of him still tells him he isn’t a part of it. Sometimes it still feels like they’re all walking on eggshells around him. It seems pretty obvious that he’s still an outsider to their little family, and while he can’t deny they’re trying very hard to include him, it feels off. His mind tell him that this is because their just nice to him for Jeremy’s sake.





	Everytime I Fear (You Wouldn't Feel the Same)

**Author's Note:**

> this is just 100% matt's insecurities. It was going to be longer, but i split it up, as the second part didn't mesh with this in terms of how it felt. so yeah
> 
> Title is from a song called '1000 Light years away', which is from the slime rancher soundtrack

Even before Gavin knew about him and Jeremy, Matt could notice him being nicer to him, without reason. Matt never questioned it because it was obvious that that was how Gavin acted around everyone in the crew he was at least a bit friendly with. Whenever Matt was at the penthouse working, Gavin would either swivel in another chair, or lean over Matt’s back to follow the transactions on the screen. He’d also ask questions. So many questions. Not even about Matt’s work, just about his life in general, and Matt answered, because it’s  _ Gavin _ . If he wasn’t a bit nice to the guy, Michael would probably kill him, together with Ryan. Something inside Matt screams  _ and Jeremy too. _ He tries to shake it, but can’t.    
  
It’s not like Gavin isn’t nice, the opposite of that. He’s just  _ always  _ there, and his generosity raises questions with Matt, he’s not used to getting things without being asked for something in return. It started with his bike; Gavin asked Matt out to a race with the lads, spent the entire race laughing at Matt’s bike, and then bought him a fucking  _ Shotaro, and doesn’t ask for anything in return.  _   
Matt knows Gavin has too much cash on his hands, but he’s still cautious riding the bike. Though that is also related to the extreme amount of robberies, motor vehicle theft, and honestly just the status that comes with owning a fucking 2 million dollar bike. He does use it when Gavin’s around, not to seem ungrateful, and when they’re racing. He’d fall behind otherwise.  
It’s not just the bike as well, Gavin secretly upgrades Matt’s at home gaming rig, substituting the Xbox with a One X and a Playstation 4 Pro, for some reason, and Matt can’t even claim that Gavin stole them.  _ He leaves receipts for god's sake. _ He shows up at Matt’s door with upgrades to his house, and food, and Matt is so  _ confused _ .

It's also not just Gavin, he reckons, almost all the crew members are eager to add Matt to their family. Jack takes him shopping, when she gets fed up with seeing him in the same hoodie and shirt for a week, and Geoff tags along, criticising most of the clothes in each store, this somehow end up with Matt fleeing from a 24/7 convenience store with arms full of candy and snack cakes, then waiting with Jack in the car until Geoff has gotten the money from holding up the same store, for old times sake. Matt honestly feels like he's fourteen again, with a single candy bar in his back pocket. Only now, they're running from the cops and he has enough candy to last a normal person a month, maybe two, and him a week. 

Michael takes it upon himself to help Matt with his gun handling, making sure Matt can fire more than just a pistol and a bb gun. He’s adamant to get Matt to handle at least shotguns and rifles, and once gets Matt to fire a minigun, somehow.  It’s pretty fun until Michael decides that Matt should also learn knives, and brings  _ Ryan _ . And, while Ryan actually definitely hates Matt’s guts, Matt is sure, he does teach him how to handle knives. Matt is still on his toes the whole time, but he realizes they don’t have less fun. He figures it’s progress. Ryan is still a scary motherfucker, though.

Sometimes Matt will get cryptic texts, maybe an address, sometimes an area, sometimes just the name of an establishment. Usually on heist days. It started with Jeremy, of course, who texted him to come to Mount Chilliad to pick him up. Matt knew it was a heist day and rushed to the location. Still, it took him an hour to find Jeremy, halfway up the mountain, sitting next to his burnt out car. When Matt asked for an explanation, Jeremy just shrugged. Matt figured it wouldn’t be the last time.    
What he didn’t realize is that it wouldn’t be limited to just Jeremy. While it held true in the first few months, eventually he got a similar text from Gavin. And then Michael, and Geoff, and Jack. Even Trevor did it one time. Matt just went along with it, though he reserved his bike for just picking up Jeremy. The rest could sit in the car. 

Sometimes they’d return the favour. Spontaneously. Jeremy once hijacked the bus Matt was taking home from the grocery store, and let everyone off, except ‘that handsome guy in the back’. The rest of the bus looked at him, terrified for his life, and Matt had to act to their concern for a bit. When they had gotten off, though, he burst out laughing, calling Jeremy an idiot. He got dropped off at his house, and Jeremy got rid of the bus.   
The others seem to want to recreate this, and make a habit out of hijacking public transport in Matt’s neighbourhood. Honestly, it’s more of a nuisance than help, but they try their best to be nice. 

And while everyone is doing their bests to make Matt feel at home in their family, something inside of him still tells him he isn’t a part of it. Sometimes it still feels like they’re all walking on eggshells around him. It seems pretty obvious that he’s still an outsider to their little family, and while he can’t deny they’re trying very hard to include him, it feels off. His mind tell him that this is because their just nice to him for Jeremy’s sake.  
Worse is when his brain tries to supply him with even more awful information. His mind has gotten Matt pretty convinced that he’s Jeremy’s second priority. He’s well aware that the crew comes first, and if he ever did anything to piss the crew off, Jeremy would absolutely take their side. It’s a fact he lives with, and while most days he can shrug it off, knowing he’d never try to turn against the crew, some days aren’t good. 

Gavin notices. Of course he does, he’s the Golden Boy, it’s his job to notice shit. Even if Matt has gotten better at hiding his negative emotions over the years. At first he just notices Gavin shooting him apologetic looks, that he doesn’t really get, but Gavin eventually confronts him about it. “I thought you were this sad because you were pining over Jeremy, but that’s not the case. What’s wrong, Matt?”   
And while Matt was aware that Gavin knew  _ something _ , he’s still surprised, and shrugs. “I have no idea what you mean.”   
It’s not a convincing lie. “Matt.” Gavin smiles, but there’s something wicked in his eyes. “You’re going to tell me, or should I get Ryan.”   
Matt sighs. “No, and stop your Golden Boy scheme. It’s dumb anyways. Ask Kdin.”   
The glint in Gavin’s eyes stays. “Oh, so it’s  _ that _ .”   
Matt sighs again. “Do we have to do this?”   
Gavin smiles. “Yes. You’re well aware that Jeremy would probably die for you, right? Honestly, when I was being an idiot, I always thought Jeremy just didn’t notice you pining for him and was dating for a messed-up rebound.”  
Matt doesn’t want to deal with this talk at the moment, but it appears he doesn’t have a choice. He sits down on the couch.   
Gavin may be too good at reading expressions, and notices Matt’s reluctance. Still, he pushes on. “Hell, he’d probably turn on all of us if we did anything bad to you. Maybe even if we do something dumb, like, don’t say ‘bless you’ when you sneeze.” Gavin laughs, and Matt does crack a smile. “Probably not Trevor, but Trevor likes you, so that’s pretty well sorted. Kdin would expose some of our darkest secrets if we fucked you over, and probably find a way to hand us all over to the police, she’s definitely on your side.”  
Matt laughs. “It’s more likely her hatred of you all.”  
Gavin shrugs. “We do make her life more complicated than it needs to be, so fair point. Geoff likes you as well, and I mean, he’s the crew dad, and Jack’s the mom, so they’ll beat up bullies for you. Not that we’re in high school, so that might be useless. Lindsay likes you, and she rubbed off on Michael. Michael usually can keep Ryan in check, though Jeremy is even better at that.”   
It does make Matt feel better. “Ryan is the scariest.”  
“Usually, yeah.” 

They continue their plot to make Matt a part of the family, and it still feels like it's fake sometimes, but Gavin and Kdin will notice and try to talk some sense into him. Eventually it feels like it's helping, and while he still feels insecure sometimes, it helps. Jeremy notices as well and they spend an evening talking about it, which ends in Jeremy just hugging Matt for an hour. It helps. Of course it does, Matt is aware that communication is important, even if it's hard sometimes.   
Sometimes the bond they have makes him miss his original Liberty City friends, from high school. He doesn't know why, none of them answer their phones when he calls, and it hurts. He knows he's better off without most of them, but they were  _ his  _ friends. Most of them were assholes, and there's a few he never actually liked, but he has no clue why any of them dropped him. 

It's mainly Mica he misses, she was one of his best friends, and the nicest one of his friends in general. She was the only one who never dared other people to do illegal shit, and definitely not the one who'd call the cops while their friends were doing the dare. And, yes, looking back at it Matt does realize most of his friends were bullies, especially towards each other. It doesn't help though.  
Usually when he gets sad about this, either Jeremy, Gavin or Kdin notice and try to cheer him up. Jeremy is the best at that, of course, he just lets Matt air it all out, and make sure he feels better, before treating Matt to dinner. Kdin threatens to find all of them and make them tell her why they dropped Matt. Matt is not sure if she's joking. Gavin listens and talks to him about it, reassuring Matt, that he didn't deserve all that, that he's a good person. (Usually Matt responds by reminding Gavin that they're in a gang, and are far from good people. Gavin laughs.) 

Aside from missing his Liberty City friends, though, he really does feel at home with the Fakes. There will still be instances where he will feel like it's all fake, and that they secretly wish him dead, but he knows what to do about it now. Jeremy can now instantly spot the signs of Matt feeling like that, and he does the best he can to smother those feelings. It works. Kdin changes his desktop backgrounds to some faux cheerful shit, and Gavin even leaves a bag of candy bars on his desk (if Ryan doesn't steal them, the fucker).  
And, yes, Ryan is still scary, and Matt is not too sure if he can trust him, but it seems to be going better, seeing as he hasn't been threatened again (yet). 


End file.
